Mankind always finds topics for disunity and debate. This began with Cain sacrificing the fruit of the land while Abel brought firstlings from his flock. Today political parties argue for and against creating new genders. But perhaps the prime disruption in everyday citizens’ hearts, minds, souls and especially tongues is whose fried chicken is better, Chick-fil-A or Raising Canes?
Chick-fil-A, which was founded in 1946 in Hapeville, Ga., has a long-lasting positive reputation of serving stable, consistent and enjoyable fried chicken meals throughout America.
Canes, which was founded in 1996 in Baton Rouge, La., on the other hand, is viewed more as an up-and-coming competitor with specifically southern pride.
This conflict has been taken under UD’s Student Government’s control to resolve once and for all by serving both Chick-fil-A’s and Canes’ fried chicken and sauce to the student body to see whom the mass supports. Over 80 students voted and tasted. In the realm of chicken, Chick-fil-A won with 66% of votes, while in the realm of sauce, Cane’s won with 59% of votes.
Students have broken out in fury and debate since. Max Hastreiter, senior psychology major and news editor for The Cor Chronicle, representing Chick-fil-A argues, “If you want synthetically processed formaldehyde, go to Raising Cane’s, but if you want the experience of eating a butchered bird blessed by the observance of the Sabbath, get yourself some Chick-fil-A.”
Jared Berkovsky, senior business major, argues in the middle for each side: “Chick-fil-A provides you with a consistently solid meal, but when you are in the mood for Canes nothing hits harder. Canes is your home-run hitter and Chick-fil-A is your solid and steady.”
Eve Cox, sophomore politics major, concretely stands for Canes: “Cane’s Chicken is real chicken. I’m not sure what Chick-fil-A ‘chicken’ even is. Chick-fil-A sauce is mundane honey-mustard while the precious Canes sauce has a true spice that sparks my interest.”
As the renowned philosopher Plato argues, the ideal city and formation to pursue justice as well as truth works not via democracy, but via aristocracy with the few elite wise philosophic kings making all crucial decisions.
UD is a liberal arts philosophy-loving community that rightfully respects Plato’s wisdom. Hence, this critical dilemma of our generation ought to be determined by our elite ruling class, which I, Treasurer Peter Key, am generously willing to represent.
Chick-fil-A is an amazing countrywide, Protestant-supported chain that has bettered America’s society both through their service and sustenance. Their goodness, however, is mastered by Raising Canes’ scrumptiously delightful, fresh, hand-battered and cooked-to-order fried chicken topped with terrifically tangy sauce.
Proverbs’ words of wisdom interpreted for this matter have been especially fruitful in the discernment of the greater dish: “Pleasant [Cane’s chicken] are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).
When enjoying Chick-fil-A’s generally good meal, one can be warned with caution: “Have you found [Chick-fil-A]? Eat only what you need, that you not have it in excess and vomit it” (Proverbs 25:16).
Cane’s prime celebrity supporter, Post Malone, may sing it better in his songs “Congratulations” and “Sunflower”: “I know I had to have it, yeah … Some things you just can’t refuse.”
Whether you, as the reader, consider yourself a Chick-fil-A or Canes fan, please feel encouraged to approach your next fried chicken bite with curiosity and appreciation for the culinary perfection of American fast food. Popeyes and KFC lovers are invited to dare to attempt a response by defending their forgotten and no longer supported chains.