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All articles published within this section of The Cor Chronicle are the opinions of the respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Cor Chronicle.
Dr. Sarah Berry was this year’s speaker for the annual Valentine’s Day seminar (for all you singles out there) hosted by Anscombe Society. Dr. Berry entitled the talk “10 Things I Hate About UD”, a nod to the beloved Heath Ledger rom com “10 Things I Hate About You.”
Dr. Berry admits that she has no personal qualms with UD’s in- famous dating culture, rather, she has accumulated a list of “problems” that UD students have with the opposite sex.
These problems include the seemingly high stakes for men on this campus whose relationships don’t pan out; a man risks losing his entire dating pool due to his ex revealing his every fault. Another prevalent problem is that men or women facilitate intense connections without the protection of a title for their relationship, resulting in an almost halfway relationship without any commitment.
Dr. Berry credits two opposing social forces that affect UD’s dating culture, the first being from secular society where there is a fear of commitment. Dr. Berry speculates that UD students aren’t having as much casual sex as the average college student has, but they still have those deeply intimate relationships without the commitment or the strings of an official relationship.
The other social force comes from American Catholic culture where there exists a timeline for marriage. This social force opposes the hazy halfway relationship.
As a side note, Dr. Berry says that the greatest hindrance to human happiness is to think your suffering is special or unique. You are not your suffering nor is the world out to get you. Dr. Berry notes that a lot of single people think that they are single because either they are not good enough to be loved or they think that the universe is determined to keep them lonely. This line of thinking is exactly what keeps people from forming relational bonds with another person.
Dr. Berry also notes that UD is not special because of its dating culture. More importantly, all you singles and broken-hearted fellows are not personally victimized by UD’s dating culture. A lot of these problems Dr. Berry cites are problems that almost every other university has in their own dating culture. In fact, these “problems” are just part of the human condition and are normal things to navigate in your young adult life.
If you still feel victimized by UD’s dating culture, Dr. Berry says not to underestimate your own power in the system. You can do something about your singleness. Dr. Berry advises to say no to those confusing yet enthralling hazy halfway relationships (it will do good for your mental health).
Also, do not be afraid to date immature men – a relationship might actually help them mature. Dr. Berry notes that women have a unique power to transform some guy into an actual man. The way to do this and to do this safely without ruining anyone’s mental health or good name is to fail without catastrophic consequences.
The way to prevent these catastrophic consequences is to stop being obsessed with talking about dating. Dr. Berry notes that UD students are not simply obsessed with talking about dating, as UD students just generally like to talk about almost everything. However, she does say to be more reflective about what you say, to mind the way that you talk about the opposite sex, especially the way you talk about your friends, exes and people you want to date. Dr. Berry thinks it unwise to tell the most intimate details of your past relationships to every one of your friends because your friend should have the option of potentially dating your ex.
I agree with Dr. Berry completely, especially how we talk about our exes. Unless your ex is a complete psycho and you need to warn others of their craziness, you should talk about your past relationships with gentleness. You may have had your heart broken, but that does not give you the right to destroy your ex’s chance at happiness. This chance may be with one of your friends.
It is completely normal to be opposed to this immediately following a breakup. But by honoring your ex’s reputation, you have the possibility of seeing your past lover, someone who you desire happiness for, be happy with someone else that you love. Your exes deserve happiness as much as you do, even if it is with a friend.
There is a simple solution to this. Date outside of UD.