A Call to Speak and Act Modestly
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Modesty is one of the hottest topics in Catholic circles. The eternal questions of how much skin should be covered and how much is too much are thrown about regularly, resulting in ridiculous dress codes and scandalous looks from those on both sides of the spectrum.
I’ve encountered people from both ends of the spectrum: those who claim that women should never show their shoulders or knees and those who claim that modesty is an interior disposition rather than a way to dress.
Edward Sri addresses the former group of people when he writes in his book, “Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love”, that “some discussions on modesty today tend to be negative and legalistic—rules about what a woman shouldn’t wear and lessons about how immodest dress leads men into lustful thoughts.”
Modesty is not a rulebook of what one can and cannot wear. However, this does not mean that one can completely disregard the fact that modesty involves the way you dress. It’s easy to claim that the virtue of modesty is subjective because it depends on each individual person. However, for something to be subjective, it must rely on one’s opinion.
For example, certain dresses will be modest or not on different women: a girl who is shorter is able to wear a shorter skirt, while the same skirt will be immodest on someone taller.
Modesty will look different for each person, but it does not depend on individual opinion. Just as one’s prayer life will look different from everyone else’s mode of prayer, practicing the virtue of modesty will look different for each person.
If we boil modesty down to just the way we dress, we cannot fully understand it, and we miss the beauty of the virtue itself. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that “teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person.”
To cultivate modesty we must focus on cultivating a respect for the human person.
In our current culture, modesty is seen mostly as just a virtue for women. However, as modesty revolves around the inherent beauty in each person made Imago Dei, it is a virtue for both men and women to put into practice.
Modesty is not just the way we dress, but it also includes the way we act and speak.
In paragraphs 2521 and 2522, the Catechism says that “modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden…It guides how one looks at others and behaves towards them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity…It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity.”
If modesty “protects the intimate center of the person,” as the Catechism says, then it stops us from revealing too much of ourselves. This does not just refer to the way we dress but also to the way we act and speak.
Acting with modesty often includes treating others with respect and acknowledging the dignity of those around you. This can include anything from acting respectfully towards professors to opening the door for the people walking into Braniff behind you.
These actions do not conceal a part of who you are, but they are modest because they protect the intimate center of the person by recognizing his or her dignity. Immodest actions degrade one’s dignity while modest actions uphold it.
Modest speech upholds your own dignity and the dignity of whomever you discuss. The most obvious example of this in practice is avoiding gossip and slander. One can emphasize this aspect of the virtue even further, by avoiding vulgar and crude language.
However, avoiding gossip and crassness is not the only way to uphold the dignity of others in your speech. Simple phrases such as “please” and “thank you” acknowledge the gift of human dignity in those with whom you interact.
Furthermore, modesty of speech also guards how much you share with the world. It guards whether you tell people certain things about yourself or not. For example, you would not want to share with every person walking on the Mall that you’re struggling in your prayer life. Instead, you would reserve that particular fact for only a couple of close friends or your spiritual director.
Aquinas argues modesty is a part of temperance, which means it governs more than just the way you dress. Separating modesty of speech, modesty of action and modesty of dress from each other, ultimately risks losing the beauty of the full virtue.
Caroline Anderson is a sophomore philosophy major. She is a sacristan for the Church of the Incarnation.