Do you feel the sticky wet humidity in the air? Yep, Northern Texas is starting its “spring” season. Here at UD, we have many traditions surrounding this weather season, ranging from Groundhog, Midterms Weeks, Easter, Spring Formal, etc. But one of the most impactful, and possibly controversial, is “Ring by Spring.”
For those students who bury themselves in the basement of Braniff and are not familiar with Ring by Spring, it is basically the idea that UD students will feel a greater pressure to be engaged by spring of their senior year.
In my past article covering Women’s History Month, I asked the participants if they would like to comment on this phenomenon. Some did, some did not, and none of the men I asked ever responded… But here is quick intercampus conversation on a integral part of UD culture.
Dr. Hanssen, Associate Professor of History, says, “I’m all for “Ring by Spring”–I am very proud to teach at a school that has a culture of commitment. I would highly recommend everyone to read G. K. Chesterton’s lovely little essay ’In Defense of Rash Vows.’
“GETTING MARRIED IS COUNTERCULTURAL BEHAVIOR. It might seem from inside the bubble that there is too much of an emphasis on marriage, but that is because Christians must be the antidote to the ills of the age. Our age is commitment-phobic.”
“There is a beautiful symbiotic relationship between virginity and marriage as Christian vocations–where one is healthy, the other is healthy too. They live and die together. Viva “Ring by Spring”!”
“I think my biggest comment on the Ring by Spring phenomenon,” continues Sarah Baker, Director of Residence Life, “is that sometimes there can be too much pressure on dating couples from others in the community about whether they’ll be “Ring by Spring.”
“I think it comes from a place of love and excitement, but unintentionally can put too much pressure on students to get engaged before they’re ready or feel like it’s something they have to do if they want to stay together post-grad.”
More in the middle of the spectrum, Thérèse Castillo, Editor-in-Chief of The Cor Chronicle, says, “I don’t have any super positive or negative thoughts about it, I feel pretty neutral. I know a lot of couples who have a very stereotypical UD love story, but I also know couples who don’t.
“I think timing-wise, it makes a lot of sense to get engaged before graduation and then get married later that year, especially if one has the means to do so. But I also think it shouldn’t be the focus of our purpose here, even in regards to dating in college in general, because not every person here is going to be called to marriage.
“We all want to love and be loved, and marriage is one of the most beautiful expressions of love that we can participate in, so of course we all desire that. I sympathize a lot with the frustration that comes from the combination of waiting, expectations, external and internal pressures.
I remember struggling a lot with my self-worth during freshman year and feeling a lot of pressure surrounding this topic, but at the end of the day you have to trust that God is the author of your love story.
“I’d also say to go to therapy and campus ministry and all the resources to talk things like this out – yes, pray! But talking to other people, other experienced adults, who have already been through this part of their life have so much wisdom for us as young people to benefit from. And all these resources are free! So, go talk to someone!”
Judith Barrera, Academic Success Specialist and UD Alumni, brings in a unique angle saying, “As a UD alum, I saw several of my peers get engaged or married their senior year, and I am very happy for them. Many of them have started families and are true role models. I was not fortunate enough to meet my future husband as a student, so I may have a different perspective as someone who did not experience the Ring by Spring phenomenon.
“As a student, I occasionally noticed some of my peers felt pressure to secure an engagement because their friends were doing so. I don’t think I noticed any direct pressure, teasing or bullying per se. I can imagine how some people can experience fear of missing out after seeing everyone in their friend group is getting engaged.
“Now that I am older, am more educated and am a UD employee, my perspective is a little more big picture oriented. As an advisor, I want to make sure that UD students, male and female, understand what this kind of commitment entails.” “Myshelle Stephens, Arts & Culture Editor, and Dr. Deanne Soper, Associate Professor Biology, also approach the subject with a quality of sensitivity and individualism.
“I think the “Ring by Spring” is a personal thing,” Stephens continues, “I know I would never get married right out of college, there are just too many things I want to learn about myself before I get married. I am much too young to be making decisions that could make or break my entire life…
“The University [of Dallas’] culture encourages true romance and simply not settling down. There are a lot of beautiful “Ring by Spring” romance stories that sound like the movies. UD is so connected that you have a genuine opportunity to make a powerful lifetime connection with someone
“… [However] I know so many UD students that are in their early twenties and are on their second kid. I think 20s is too young to be a proper parent.
“I think it can also get you stuck in a relationship where if you are Catholic you can’t leave and you are stuck with a partner who either doesn’t love you or treat you right and vice versa…If you truly love each other, they will wait until you are ready and if they can’t they probably aren’t the right person for you and will likely try to force you into more scary situations”
“I can identify with it because I hadn’t found my soulmate by the time I was a senior in college, and I was worried about how to navigate the world beyond college without him,” says Soper.
“So, I understand why people would want to find their partner before launching into the world. But, I try to remind my students that life is a journey.
“And, sometimes, that journey leaves us with meeting our life partners by the time we graduate from college, but sometimes, it doesn’t. And that is okay! You don’t have to have everything figured out by the time you are 22. There is a lot of life left. But, as I mentioned before, I hope they have a good sense of their own personal self so when they do go into the world, they can find ‘their people’ wherever life may take them.”