The Yeehawin’ Giddyuppin’ Wild West Week of Charity

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Amidst other thrilling events, Charity Week 2024's frontier featured plenty of rousing standoffs. Photo Courtesy of Emma Powers.

Now that rosy-fingered dawn has risen upon a new, normal academic week, all that remains of Wild West Charity Week are fragments of the jail or the occasional stray hay bale or tumbleweed. But even though Charity Week has vanished into the sunset, its memory lives on. Though Wild West Charity Week followed the same general structure as in years past, there were quite a few exceptional aspects of it this year, elements that really came alive thanks to unmatched participation from the student body. 

In the first half of the week, posses of bandits roamed nightly, disturbing the peace in the sleepy little towns of the dorms and the Mill. The sheriffs were powerless against these desperados, as this week, they were school sanctioned. With a dozen tuck-in teams performing over a hundred tuck-ins from Monday to Wednesday, campus was constantly busy with the thumping of footsteps and the doppler effect-type sounds of dubstep music sprinting down a hallway. 

Although the sacred rituals of the tuck-in processes themselves can never be fully revealed to the uninitiated, Harry Potter outfits, Cow costumes, Jazzercise and USA themed tuck-ins were reportedly in action. A special congratulations goes out to the ladies of Catherine Hall, for ordering by far the most tuck-ins. 

Numerous gang members were held for questioning on Monday, including Krazy Kambo (wanted for philosophical speculation), Pastor Stephen Gregg (alias, Pastor Andrew; alias, Gregg the leg; alias, the monk with glasses), Matt “The Cherry” Berry (wanted for political corruption), and Ornery Olenick (alias, Dr. O; alias, Ol’ Olenick). Needless to say, the desperados were successfully questioned. 

Of course, the Old West would be nothing without a jail to incarcerate vicious outlaws and downright wild characters. The notorious Preacher Esposito, wanted for highfalutin with his guitar, was successfully jailed on Wednesday, although he retaliated against his captors by strummin’ discordant tunes atop said prison. 

While many outlaws were questioned and still more incarcerated, numerous strange happenings occurred around the weary jail, including the second-coming of Moses himself. The 11th plague of water balloons rained down on the just and the unjust alike as Preacher Esposito and Matt “The Cherry” Berry enacted Exodus atop the jail.

Aside from jailings and overall strange happenings, the Wild West was gifted with a plethora of new and engaging activities. A new addition to this year’s Charity Week was the line dance, sponsored by the Society of Saint Joseph. Both cowboys and cowgirls alike thoroughly enjoyed themselves on the windy, western Mall. 

Also new for this year was the hotdog eating contest, which brought on a heap of fun. Similarly well attended, first place was taken by “Doggone” Luke Enriquez, senior politics major and president of Student Government, eating a downright shockin’ eight hotdogs in four minutes. While the western folk were enraptured by the spectacle of doggone dogs that were gone, enjoyment was somewhat tinged by disgust and the moral elephant in the room of gluttony. 

Tom “Top-hat” Gillis, senior English major and runner-up in the hotdog competition, said, “The hotdog eating contest was a primal Darwinian spectacle, a sharp voice cutting through the low drone of the jungle- ‘I am he who eats hotdogs.’”

As the week of charity continued to Thursday, excitement really started to ramp up. When Charity Week, Halloween, and TGIT all coincide on the same day, you best believe the good times are guaranteed. Elaborate Halloween costumes and Karaoke performances were many. At the end of the night, the honors of singing “Mr. Brightside” and “Stacy’s Mom” were auctioned off, and between the deep pocketed Porter Schmidt and Peter Butler, sold for a total of $700. 

The week finally culminated with the Male Auction, a scene of wild west tomfoolery. There were skits, singing acts and some synchronized dances. The dates being auctioned off included dinner parties, bread-making lessons and a masquerade ball. Sho’ nuff, it was quite a show, and the ladies were feeling extremely – perhaps even recklessly – generous. When all the dust settled, Male Auction alone raised a record-breaking $11,000, with the Toby Lovers taking the highest bid. 

Overall, Wild West Charity week was an exceptionally fun time, and it managed to raise a very considerable amount of money for the two charities selected, In My Shoes and the Missionaries of Charity. It could never have been so successful without the enormous involvement from the student body and the incredibly hard work of the junior co-chairs, Robert Cook and Isabelle Luevano. 

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