Groundhog Guidance

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Dear Groundhog,

What is the cause of the inordinate amount of PDA present on campus? As a cradle Catholic, the excessive amount of such actions accosting the eyes of students across campus is, quite frankly, more than a little disappointing. In my opinion, there are altogether too many people holding hands, walking with their arms around each other, and eating dinner together, among other such appalling actions. This occurs even in our hallowed chapel, a place reserved for those trying to lift their minds and hearts to their Creator. What is there to be done about this depravity? Perhaps it is time for scarlet letters to begin appearing across campus? Let me know your opinions.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Member of This Castle on a Hill

Dear Concerned Member of This Castle on a Hill,

I gasped! Not hand-holding! But seriously, I think it would be pretty weird to ban PDA on campus or make assumptions about other people’s intimate lives. People have varying opinions on PDA, and they’re entitled to that. Attending Mass together is enjoyed by many couples on campus who want to keep God at the center of their lives. If you’re that bothered by people holding hands during Mass, it sounds like we should get you a date to soften that stony heart of yours. Just make sure you put these opinions on your profile on www.catholicmatch.com.

Sincerely,

The Groundhog


Dear Groundhog,

So I like this girl but she’s two grades above me. I feel like I’ve got a shot with her. I mean like okay I’ve never spoken to her but I can just tell that she’s my future wife. She’s so dope. She’s stronger than me, she’s played rugby before, she’s roommates with the girl that my buddy likes, and she reads poetry. Should I ask her out? Is it too soon? Like do I need to be friends with her first? I don’t wanna wait that long because she’s probably gonna get a boyfriend. I see her hanging around guys her age, but I think I could have a shot. What should I do?

Sincerely,

The Blindside(d) Flanker

Dear Blindside(d) Flanker,

While it’s always good to be friends with someone before dating them, you could also just shoot your shot. Say that you would like to get to know her better and just ask! Especially if you think time is ticking. She may not even know that you feel that way about her – and you don’t know if she feels that way about you. I’ve overheard so many girls at UD talking about how they’d love to start dating but have never been asked out. We need more guys to be bold enough to just ask, even if the answer is no. Best of luck! If it goes well, send me an invite to the wedding.

Sincerely,

The Groundhog


Dear Groundhog,

I found a ten-dollar wedding dress on eBay. Would it be a wise financial decision to proceed with the transaction?

Sincerely,

I Might Say Yes to the Dress

Dear I Might Say Yes to the Dress,

I mean it’s only ten dollars. And you never know when it’ll come in handy. While I would encourage more deliberation about who will be standing next to you in the tux, I say pull the trigger on the eBay dress because you’re really investing in your future relationship. Call that UD girl math.

Sincerely,

The Groundhog

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